so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
