If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
