I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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