Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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