my mouth tastes like poor choices
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
