I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
