I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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