Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
