i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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