i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it hurts more in the daytime
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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