I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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