Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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