sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
