Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
