what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
