Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
false alarm, still single
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