My first STD was from a foam party
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
