I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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