Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
