no, he came in my armpit
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
