He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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