Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
