Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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