So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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