So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
