I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize