You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
