Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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