You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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