Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
