WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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