easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
