how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
