didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
