the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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