I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
