I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
