I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
