He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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