So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
