He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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