she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
