Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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