WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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