bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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