I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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