If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
