why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
