He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
