I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she looked like the before picture.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
