the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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