Your face is a jimmy john
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're too hungover to prance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
