I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
