The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
