I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
