Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
