life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
