Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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