I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
