You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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