Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
