Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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