I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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