I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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