We named our party play list daddy issues
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
