i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
