dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
