This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
